Noooo.......

I still have a week left until I'm on my own on the unit. For now, I do almost everything on my own, and my preceptor Nadia silently watches me from the outside and answers any and every question I have. And she yells at me when she sees me do something wrong. No really, she's so awesome and I couldn't have asked for a better preceptor. (Love ya, Nads!)

So today I come to work, like I do every day, and the first thing I do is check the patient assignment board to find her name, and what patient assignment we have for the day. There she is!

Nadia
Nadia
Nadia
Nadia

And then, right underneath...

Kristine
Kristine
Kristine
Kristine...

Um... excuse me? I didn't' realize that you were stripping me from my safety zone quite yet. I'm not ready for this. I started to panic. I had to get organized! What do you do, Kristine? Stay calm. Think. Okay, first things first, go get your information from the charts and get ready to receive report.

So I walk down the hall to my patients rooms. I walk pretty far. Holy crap, I'm all the way in the back of the unit where no one can see me and I'm no where near anyone else. Why did they put me all alone back here on my first day alone?? I swear I just saw a tumbleweed blow by.

Okay, find the charts. First one. Second day post-op, no problem. Second chart... was a big one. Big, stuffed charts like that mean super complicated, long term patient with lots going on. Why, oh, why would they give me a patient like this? I'm convinced my charge nurse hates me. And she seemed so nice. What a bitch.

I manage to free it from it's little cubby hole. What's that little sign on the front? A closer look....
_____
Chart
1
of
2
_____

I think my heart just stopped beating for a second. I started to tremble. The tears were getting harder and harder to hold back. I seriously start to think I might have a nervous breakdown.

Here comes Nadia! I see her down the hallway. I must have looked absolutely terrified, because instead of her usual chipper greeting, she takes one look at me and says "What's wrong?"

"I'm on my own today! And look at this chart!" The tears were starting to spill.

"What? No, you're not. I'm going to talk to the charge nurse."

So I remain where I am, clumsily flipping through the chart, trying to find out what the hell is wrong with this stupid patient that I don't want to take care of. Nadia comes back.

"Kristine..." and then she bursts into laughter. What was her problem? I actually wanted to hit her. This wasn't funny. I was trembling with terror, and she was laughing in my face?

"Kristine..." then another bout of laughter. She actually doubled over. I was going go freak out.

"Kristine... there's another nurse on the unit today, who floated from another floor. Her name is Kristine, too, you ding-dong."