All right, you little hooker...

This chick made my life a living hell today. She was the biggest nightmare I've ever dealt with in my life, pre- and post- nursing career. I took report from the night nurse, and she warned me, but I'm pretty good at sweet-talking people out of bad moods and persuading them to like me. Not this bitch.

She was in pain. I could see that, and I can sympathize. I can also give her medicine for pain. What I can't do, however, is give her the specific pain medicine that she wanted. Lady, that stuff is reserved for patients who just had major surgery, whose bodies we've literally filleted open with a scalpel and then stapled back together again. All right, you little hooker? We're not going to give you Demerol for that little boo-boo in your side. No matter how much you cry and complain and demand it.

I'm sorry, when you come into the hospital because you're hurt, and then demand certain drugs and refuse others that will help you, you need to go home. Especially if you're refusing the medicines that the doc's ordered that will prevent you from becoming septic and dying. If you're not going to let us treat you, give someone else this bed that will. We're not a Walgreens drive-through pharmacy. I can only give you what the doc's have ordered. And when I try to give you advice on different things you can do to make herself feel better (like trying to relax, watch a little TV, or whatever), and you tell me "Thanks for the fucking lecture," yeah, you're immediately not my favorite person in the whole world.

Oh yeah, and thanks a lot for calling patient advocacy on me because I was sooooo rude to you. Sitting in front of a case worker with my nursing license on the line was FUN. And thanks for filing a complaint to my nurse manager. You know what came from that? She told me I was one of the nicest nurses she knew, AND I GOT A RAISE. No, I didn't really, but she totally didn't believe you that I was nasty to you all day.

Oh yeah, and my favorite part of the day was when you told me, oh, so eloquently, "Do your fucking job and get that fucking doctor in here to write me a prescription for Demerol so I can get out of this piece of shit hospital." That was classy. Extra points for your mother being in the room at the time.