Decisions, decisions.

After I graduated and passed my NCLEX, I had a choice to make.

I initially wanted to work on a mother/baby unit, being that it was my favorite part of nursing school and I did my final practicum on a postpartum floor. The atmosphere is so much different than on a regular medical/surgical unit. Women having babies are generally happier, more receptive to your teaching, and have less germs and viruses than most patients in the hospital. And the babies are so freaking cute and fun to play with, and what do you do when they start to scream and cry? Give them back to mom!

So, I worked hard to get offered a job at a prestigious hospital for women and babies. I talked to one of my instructors, got the names of some nurse hiring managers there, made an awesome resume, and handed it in, in person, all dolled up in my pretty blouse and high heels. I name-dropped during both of the interviews I got, and was hired immediately on a mother/baby postpartum unit. My dream was coming true. The only drawback: the only shift available was for a night shift nurse. Ugh.

During all of this, I applied for some other jobs for backup. Inluding a Critical Care Nursing Internship Program. I chose neurology because I don’t like cardiac, and I was a psychology major for a couple of years when I first started college. I chose neuro/surgical because I didn’t want to deal with lifelong neurological deficits, and tracheostomies, and things like that. I was actually surprised that I got offered the job there, as well. And it was days. Now I had a tough decision to make.

Do I take my dream job, that I’ve wanted ever since I was in my third semester of nursing school, and risk having to turn into a nocturnal being who might hardly ever see her friends and family again? Or do I take this other, rather challenging job and jump into the deep end of nursing, doing critical care? On one hand, the night shift earned at least $8/hour more than a day shift nurse. On the other hand, if I have critical care experience, it will be easier for me to find a job later on when I want to start traveling.

So me, being the overachiever that I am, decided to go with the more challenging, lesser paying of the two. And now, I’m wondering whether or not I made the right decision. I’m constantly stressed out, I’ve been grinding my teeth so hard my gums bleed and I get migraines, and I’m doubting myself all the time. Lately, every time I work it makes me want to jump off of a tall building. I cry a lot after work, just from the sheer anxiety levels and the sadness I feel from these people I take care of who are more sick and helpless than I’ve ever seen before. Learning not to let my emotions get the best of me is going to be a lifelong lesson, I think.

Anyhow, sorry for the melodramatic post. If you’re thinking of becoming a nurse, or have already started pursuing this career, don’t let this get you down. Every new job has its’ ups and downs, and I’m sure I’ll get over this initial terror and anxiety I feel. Yesterday was a better day for me, and tomorrow will be as well. I’m just not used to not being perfect at something the first time I try it, and it can be frustrating.

Bye, for now! Stay happy, and healthy!

Happy Christmas Eve!